


Under your scars

by TearStainedAshes



Series: Convin Challenge 2019 [9]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Post-Coital, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-08 08:16:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19103245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TearStainedAshes/pseuds/TearStainedAshes
Summary: Connor wants to know about the various scars covering Gavin's body. Gavin's game, until it gets personal.Convin Challenge 2019 Day 10: ScarsRated Mature for talking about self-harm and past abuse. Please read at your own discretion. Your mental health comes first.





	Under your scars

**Author's Note:**

> Please, don't read this if you might be triggered by talk of self-harm or past child abuse. Your mental health and safety will always be more important than a silly fanfiction. I've included a list of hotlines at the beginning and the end of this fic for anyone who may need it.  
> Be kind to yourselves, and take care. You matter, no matter what anyone says.  
> <3, Tea
> 
> Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696  
> Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433  
> LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255  
> Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386  
> Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743  
> Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438  
> Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673  
> Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272  
> Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000  
> Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253  
> Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453  
> Text (in case you aren't up to making a phone call) hotline: 741-741 (Text CONNECT to begin, more info at http://www.crisistextline.org/ )  
> UK Helplines:  
> Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org  
> Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem) : 08001111  
> Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk  
> Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk  
> b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk  
> b-eat youthline (for under 25's with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)  
> Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk  
> Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600  
> Drinkline: 0800 9178282  
> Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk  
> Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight  
> India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614  
> India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669  
> Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868, Free and available 24/7  
> suicide hotlines;  
> Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430  
> Australia: 13-11-14  
> Austria: 01-713-3374  
> Barbados: 429-9999  
> Belgium: 106  
> Botswana: 391-1270  
> Brazil: 21-233-9191  
> Canada, French-speaking: 1-866-277-3553 (1-866-APPELLE)  
> China: 852-2382-0000  
> Hong Kong: 2389-2222  
> Costa Rica: 606-253-5439  
> Croatia: 01-4833-888  
> Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67  
> Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908  
> Denmark: 70-201-201  
> Egypt: 762-1602  
> Estonia: 6-558-088  
> Finland: 040-5032199  
> France: 01-45-39-4000  
> Germany: 0800-181-0721  
> Greece: 1018  
> Guatemala: 502-234-1239  
> Holland: 0900-0767  
> Honduras: 504-237-3623  
> Hungary: 06-80-820-111  
> Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90  
> Israel: 09-8892333  
> Italy: 06-705-4444  
> Japan: 3-5286-9090  
> Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292  
> Malaysia: 03-756-8144  
> Singapore: 1-800-221-4444  
> Mexico: 525-510-2550  
> Netherlands: 0900-0767  
> New Zealand: 4-473-9739  
> New Guinea: 675-326-0011  
> Nicaragua: 505-268-6171  
> Norway: 47-815-33-300  
> Philippines: 02-896-9191  
> Poland: 52-70-000  
> Portugal: 239-72-10-10  
> Puerto Rico: (787) 763-7575 OR 1-(800)-981-0023 (free of charge)  
> Russia: 8-20-222-82-10  
> Singapore: 1800-221 4444  
> Spain: 91-459-00-50  
> South Africa: 0861-322-322  
> South Korea: 2-715-8600  
> Sweden: 031-711-2400  
> Switzerland: 143  
> Taiwan: 0800-788-995  
> Thailand: 02-249-9977  
> Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800  
> Ukraine: 0487-327715

"Where'd this one come from?"

Gavin chuckled and rested his head on his crossed arms, Connor stretched out along his back. His fingers danced across this shoulders, pausing when he passed over a raised bit of skin. Currently, his finger was tracing a line down his scapula. 

"Fell out of a tree when I was" –he clicked his tongue as he mulled it over– "eight? Maybe nine."

"What about this?" He trailed his fingers down Gavin's spine, poking at a white line near the dip in his back.

"I… uh… was at the beach," he mumbled. "Friends dared me to jump on a boogie board while running toward the ocean. It, uh… went about as well as you'd expect." Connor laughed and shook his head. "Landed on a large seashell. Sliced me up pretty good."

"This one?" Connor danced his fingers back up Gavin's spine and gently prodded at a small circle on his shoulder.

"Smallpox vaccine," he mumbled, turning his head to smile at him. "Mom didn't want to chance it when it started makin' a comeback in 2018."

Connor hummed and nodded, his gaze lingering on Gavin's facial scars. He knew the gist of them, but Gavin had never told him the full story. They'd only just had sex for the first time. Was it too soon to ask?

"I can see the gears turnin' in your head," Gavin sighed. "They don't have the most exciting origin story."

"Can I hear it anyway?" Connor asked, pushing Gavin's hair out of his face so they could see each other better.

"Sure, I guess." He rolled over and crossed his arms behind his head. Connor immediately snuggled up to him, pillowing his head on his chest. Gavin hummed and draped an arm around Connor's shoulders, his thumb rubbing small circles into his skin.

"Most of them are from bar fights," he muttered, staring up at the ceiling as he talked. "I was always pickin' fights. Had a bit of a short fuse. Hard to imagine, I know." Connor giggled and Gavin smiled. "Before I joined the force, I didn't know what to do with my life. I felt… lost. And like my life had no meaning or direction. So I took it out on random strangers when I was drunk.

"Nose got broken in one of the first fights I was ever in. I was… 15? Maybe 16? The rest all came from various sources. One guy with an ornate ring got me under my left eye." Connor reached up to trace his finger along the small line and Gavin closed his eyes, savoring the soft touch.

"The ones over my right were from a guy takin' his own beer bottle and breakin' it over my face." Connor frowned and moved his fingers over to trace along the lines that spider-webbed out around his eye. "That one made the nose scar worse." He chuckled when Connor touched his pointer to the tip of his nose.

"And the one in your ear?" Connor asked, touching at the scar on the helix of his left ear.

"Piercing scar," he mumbled, finally opening his eyes again. "I was a rebellious teenager."

"You had piercings growing up?"

"A fair few." He shrugged, making Connor shift just a bit from the movement. "I had that one, an eyebrow bar" –he pointed to a scar along his left eyebrow, which Connor immediately went to touch– "a few more ear piercings that healed up better than that one, a lip ring, and I had my septum pierced a couple different times."

" _ Really? _ " Connor touched his finger to Gavin's nose again, making him laugh.

"Yeah. Had to take all the facial ones out though when I joined the force. You know, I'm really grateful for the cop who kept coming to investigate all my bar fights. He finally sat me down and told me to straighten up or else I'd end up exactly where I didn't want to be."

"Where's that?" Connor whispered, unsure if he should ask, but he decided to risk it.

"In jail, like my father," Gavin whispered, sighing sadly. 

"Oh." Connor rested his head on Gavin's chest again, resting his hand over his heart as he listened to it beating.

"Yeah. So, I cleaned myself up, applied for the academy, and about a year later I was a beat cop for the DPD."

"Who was the officer who helped you?" Connor asked. "I'd like to thank him."

Gavin chuckled and shook his head, smiling wistfully at the ceiling. Connor sat up a bit and frowned, which only made Gavin laugh more.

"What?"

"You already know 'im," he explained, smiling up at Connor. "It was Hank."

"Really?" Connor's joyous grin was infectious. His entire face seemed to light up and he looked so pure and soft. How the hell had he gotten so lucky?

He pulled him down for a kiss, running his fingers through Connor's hair. Connor hummed and melted against him, letting Gavin push and pull his body exactly where he wanted it to be. Soon he was straddling Gavin's waist, his hands resting on Gavin's chest. 

Connor pulled away first, giggling like mad. He ran his nose along Gavin's and rested fully against him, his body covering Gavin's while their legs tangled together under the sheets. Gavin tilted Connor's chin up and pressed another soft kiss to his lips, both of them humming in content.

"Thankfully I was able to keep my more  _ hidden _ piercings," he purred, running his tongue along Connor's bottom lip before sliding it over the android's. He hoped his sampling software enjoyed the feeling of the cool metal against his hot tongue. Judging by the shudder than ran through Connor's body, it did. Connor moaned and reached down to toy with one of Gavin's nipple piercings, making him shiver as well. He hummed and pulled away, resting his head back on his arm.

"Any other scars you wanna know about?" he asked as he settled back down against the mattress.

"Will you tell me about these?" Connor asked, keeping his voice soft as he trailed his fingers down Gavin's arm. Gavin stiffened but didn't pull away or try to hide them. He sighed and looked up at the ceiling, not wanting to see Connor's face.

"You already know what they are," he whispered, averting his gaze as Connor tried to catch it. "What more do you need to know?"

"I don't know," Connor whispered back. "I guess I just… wanted to know why."

"Why what?" Gavin sniffed and turned his face away completely so Connor wouldn't see him so vulnerable. 

_ A bit late for that,  _ his mind supplied, making even more tears well in his eyes.

"Why would I do that to myself?" he managed to choke out. He pushed Connor off of him and moved to sit in the center of the bed, the blankets gathering around him in a heap. Connor didn't move at first. He just sat up and squeezed his own arm, his nails digging into the skin where his armband would be. He didn't say anything. He just let Gavin say as much as he wanted to tell him.

"Started when I was about twelve," he muttered, hanging his head and running a hand down the back of his neck. "That's about when I started showing signs I liked guys, and my father wouldn't stand for it. So I started punishing myself whenever I had 'impure' thoughts. It didn't stop when he was sentenced for domestic violence. It didn't stop when I got my first boyfriend. Hell, it didn't stop when I entered the academy."

"Did Hank know?" Connor asked, voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah. He… he knew." He sighed and cleared his throat, refusing to look back at Connor. "Anyway, I managed to stop a long time ago, so–"

"No, you didn't," Connor interrupted. The mattress dipped behind him as Connor moved closer, his fingertips barely grazing his shoulder, unsure if Gavin would accept his comfort.

"The ones by your wrist are new," he murmured. He tentatively closed the distance between them and placed his hand on Gavin's shoulder. He flinched but didn't pull away. 

"They're about a week old," he continued, his other hand reaching down to touch Gavin's wrist. He allowed Connor to take it and he turned his hand over, exposing the small burn marks. 

"Are these because of the Mason case?" he asked, his thumb covering up the marks. Gavin merely nodded, afraid that if he spoke he'd break apart.

"Gav." Connor shifted so he sat behind Gavin and wrapped him up in his arms, his thighs pressed against Gavin's as he enveloped him like a safety blanket. "That wasn't your fault. You can't blame yourself."

"I should've been smarter," he choked out, reaching up to grip Connor's wrist as he hung his head, tears sliding down his nose. "Should've known he was lying. If I'd just been smarter, looked at the evidence again, paid attention to his body language, his words… that bastard wouldn't have gotten to those kids. He'd be behind bars and those families–" He choked on a sob, unable to continue. Connor held him tighter, his heart breaking as he listened to Gavin's broken sobs.

"You did the best you could with the evidence you had," he whispered, pressing a kiss to Gavin's temple. "It's not your fault, Gavin. He even fooled me, and this is what I was designed to do. You're a great detective. Sometimes criminals elude us and another person gets hurt. But we can't blame ourselves." He rested his cheek on Gavin's head and whispered, "We're only human."

Gavin managed a weak chuckle and sniffled, wiping the back of his hand under his eyes. Connor held onto him as he calmed down, whispering soothing words to him, telling him how smart he was and how brave he was and how happy he was that he'd found his way out of the dark. Gavin started crying again, but this time it wasn't out of guilt. He'd never felt so loved and wanted before in his life. How could Connor love a disaster like him? How the hell had his life turned around so drastically to allow him this bit of happiness?

"I love you," he whispered, his voice far too quiet that he barely heard the words himself. But he knew Connor would hear them.

"I love you, too," Connor whispered back, holding him closer. "I love you so much. Don't ever forget that, okay?"

"OK." He sniffled and shifted to lie down again. Connor followed him and dragged the blankets up over them. He pressed himself as close to Gavin as he could, draping an arm over his waist and taking hold of his hand, running his thumb along his wrist. Gavin sighed and closed his eyes. 

He felt… lighter. He'd never openly talked about his scars with his previous partners. Some had tried to ask, but he'd always deflected. Others didn't even seem to care or notice. But with Connor… it was different. He felt  _ seen _ with him. He felt  _ comfortable _ with him in a way he hadn't with anyone else. He felt like he could tell Connor anything, especially so after telling him about the scars. 

Connor had stayed. He hadn't pulled away in disgust, hadn't looked at him in pity, hadn't belittled him for being so weak or called him desperate for attention. He'd comforted him. He'd empathized and sympathized with him. He'd told him he was happy for him that he'd managed to fight his way out of the path society expected him to take.

He sighed and relaxed against Connor when he felt him run his nose through his hair. Connor squeezed his hand and hummed, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. Gavin closed his eyes and allowed himself to try to fall asleep. Normally he'd force himself to stay awake after an episode like that, afraid of the nightmares that would plague him. But Connor was there. Connor would look out for him. Keep him safe from the darkness that still lingered around the edges. 

He smiled when he felt Connor relax deeper into the mattress, his breathing slowing as he slipped into stasis. He adjusted his pillow before settling down for the night, feeling safe and warm in his boyfriend's arms.

The nightmares never came that night.

**Author's Note:**

> Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696  
> Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433  
> LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255  
> Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386  
> Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743  
> Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438  
> Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673  
> Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272  
> Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000  
> Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253  
> Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453  
> Text (in case you aren't up to making a phone call) hotline: 741-741 (Text CONNECT to begin, more info at http://www.crisistextline.org/ )  
> UK Helplines:  
> Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org  
> Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem) : 08001111  
> Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk  
> Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk  
> b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk  
> b-eat youthline (for under 25's with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)  
> Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk  
> Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600  
> Drinkline: 0800 9178282  
> Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk  
> Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight  
> India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614  
> India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669  
> Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868, Free and available 24/7  
> suicide hotlines;  
> Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430  
> Australia: 13-11-14  
> Austria: 01-713-3374  
> Barbados: 429-9999  
> Belgium: 106  
> Botswana: 391-1270  
> Brazil: 21-233-9191  
> Canada, French-speaking: 1-866-277-3553 (1-866-APPELLE)  
> China: 852-2382-0000  
> Hong Kong: 2389-2222  
> Costa Rica: 606-253-5439  
> Croatia: 01-4833-888  
> Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67  
> Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908  
> Denmark: 70-201-201  
> Egypt: 762-1602  
> Estonia: 6-558-088  
> Finland: 040-5032199  
> France: 01-45-39-4000  
> Germany: 0800-181-0721  
> Greece: 1018  
> Guatemala: 502-234-1239  
> Holland: 0900-0767  
> Honduras: 504-237-3623  
> Hungary: 06-80-820-111  
> Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90  
> Israel: 09-8892333  
> Italy: 06-705-4444  
> Japan: 3-5286-9090  
> Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292  
> Malaysia: 03-756-8144  
> Singapore: 1-800-221-4444  
> Mexico: 525-510-2550  
> Netherlands: 0900-0767  
> New Zealand: 4-473-9739  
> New Guinea: 675-326-0011  
> Nicaragua: 505-268-6171  
> Norway: 47-815-33-300  
> Philippines: 02-896-9191  
> Poland: 52-70-000  
> Portugal: 239-72-10-10  
> Puerto Rico: (787) 763-7575 OR 1-(800)-981-0023 (free of charge)  
> Russia: 8-20-222-82-10  
> Singapore: 1800-221 4444  
> Spain: 91-459-00-50  
> South Africa: 0861-322-322  
> South Korea: 2-715-8600  
> Sweden: 031-711-2400  
> Switzerland: 143  
> Taiwan: 0800-788-995  
> Thailand: 02-249-9977  
> Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800  
> Ukraine: 0487-327715


End file.
